By M. LaJeanne McCloud
It isn’t easy to be anyone’s wife or mother. Now increase the job difficulty by 1000 because your husband is a high profile, multi-millionaire, NBA future hall of famer who travels extensively for work and is adored by millions. Hard pass for meeee. However, Ayesha Curry took the job and in a candid moment on Jada Pinkett Smith’s “Red Table Talk” shared that she knows her husband is desired – you girls are rude and disrespectful – but sometimes she wonders if she’s an ugly duckling. She isn’t feeling like men SEE her. This isn’t about her husband; as many of my male friends have attempted to summate. This is about her. She wonders this because we all do….oh wait, you never questioned your desirability? Ok, well you should be teaching a class. But for those of us who have looked at our chubby faces, wiggly arms, muffin tops, or shit just didn’t feel good on a bloated, bad hair day – I feel you my girl.
If I’m being totally honest I will say that this feeling of insecurity and vulnerability brought me to my darkest moment IN LIFE. I was advancing in my career, my kids were doing well in school and my lifestyle was comfortable. The day in and day out of my family’s routine left me drained. I felt like I was walking through the world as an invisible person. The version of me that was five years younger could go anywhere wearing anything and get attention. Then one day I looked up and felt like I had lost my sauce. I was moving through the world with an ugly coat and no one bothered to tell me. In actuality what was happening was supposed to happen. I was happily married, doing work I love, and raising beautiful kids – I wasn’t supposed to be noticing if the men around me were noticing me. I wasn’t supposed to catch eye contact, give a flirty smile and say “thanks I’ll let my husband know you think I’m cute”. No, No, No to all of that egotistical bull crap. What I, Mrs. Curry, and probably you if we’re keeping it a buck – failed to realize is that those men were not noticing because the way you move in this world is different when you have the things you want in life. Notice how I didn’t say HUSBAND, I said have what YOU want for YOUR life.
What I know after hearing her carefully, yet inarticulately express not feeling attractive or desirable to the outside world is that no matter what our station is in life we have internal work to do. No matter what our socially curated lives filled with exotic meals and #datenight reveals about us is that we are all struggling not to struggle. We are all figuring out these human actions of love, partnership, and self love. Each of us is stumbling, falling, getting back up and doing it again. So rather than question Ms. Curry’s love for her husband or even worse feeling that now is the time to say “she aint that cute”, while you over there looking like Sponge Bill Titty Top. Try doing a self check to see if your insecurity is causing you to lash out, be judgmental, or worse kill relationships by leading with the “I”.